Absence of Girlfriends.. Presence of Love... The Intro

The Intro

Basically, the title is so because the writer is a man. It is chosen as revealed, and i took my time to think on it. After i was convinced about it, it was published. Why is it that Love and talks on love only heard in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and after marriage, nothing ? Is love restricted only in the presence of a girlfriend ?

The reason/inspiration for this article(s) is and will be hidden under the pages of stories of my life, where girls were hurt and had shed tears because of  me and my actions and the tears in my eyes out of the desperation to be loved and accepted. Yet again are the stories of my friends, girls and boys, who have hurt themselves, by beginning with the wrong choices in relationship, ending up with the realization of the wrong, and ultimately breaking up from it, with a release of  frustration, disappointment, hatred, sense of betrayal, injustice, and with a huge amount of emotional pain and hurts, scaring those memories into theirs souls which would remain in their lives as long as they live, unless Sovereign Intervention.

One of the words which I dearly hold onto in my life is "Restore". This is what God through Jesus did in my life and is doing in my life in areas of my life and this is for which I would love to used for, by Him.  A closer related word to "Restore" is "Repair". Let's take the case of a building. It is always recommended, is in fact the  responsibility of the architect to build a firm foundation before the building itself. But places like in India, things doesn't happen that way. Many of us bribe the architect so that the work picks up speed even though compromising on quality. And the result? One fine day everything falls down. Note that, it's not only the builder or the people who are inside are affected, but the people around it too. The 9/11 attack on the Twin tower affected everybody, both in and out. It's the same in relationships. Many times we might have started building on the wrong, unleveled, shaking foundations. But it's better to re-do it before continuing with the building and before staying in it. If ignored, the end result would be disastrous and painful, both for you and for others. Please note that laying the foundations will take time, but it will be firm and its worth it.

Remain, Restore, or Reconstruct: Which one do you choose ?

At first, I thought that I could just write a long article and complete it, till realized that the topic is way huge to even be  completed in a ten thousand page book. So whatever I share is just a tip of the ice-berg and it will be in a series of 7 posts and the final post with conclusion. I'll discover with you few main aspects of relationships and what Love is  and what Love is not. My prayer is that by the end of this article series, we will be able to evaluate our relationship(s) or the relationship(s) into which we are going to enter, and make the right choices. Don't step into the house until you make sure that the foundation doesn't shake or the roof doesn't fall on you.

The following will be the topics.

1. Truth with Grace..
2. The Race in the Same Direction on the Same Track...
3. Motive behind the proposal...
4. The Unopened Gift Box
5. Beginning of Commitment with declaration...
6. Expression through Selflessness...
7. Explosion of Expression...

And finally the conclusion.

I'll try to write on each in a gap of 1-3 days, as i have to wait and think as I have a responsibility at hand to the reader.

After all, you are responsible for your life and up to certain extend, the life of whom you are involved with.

ps: To the married people: If these articles speaks to you, well and good. Please don't let anything break up the relationship you have your spouse. Once the choice is made, that's it, no matter what differences or difficulties. But there is still grace which could restore and re-new the relationship. If you are one of them, I could try to help you get connected to my mentor or someone who can help you in a better way.

LOVE ?! Why on earth is that ??

The Word LOVE, have become the MOST commonly used language in the 21st century. As we look around, we see either the word, or the expression or a result of it or the lack of it . Whether it is Music, Movies, Paintings, News, Entertainment, Advertisements, Family, Spiritual Teachings, Internet, and lot more...

But I wonder if Love has lost it's meaning and the intensity of the expression of it as the days go by. The inspiration for me to write this article is from one of my friends when she said "I don't want to be in a relationship. Because in relationship there is either controlling or insane ". This is my response to it.

It's so common to hear the statements  "I'm in Love", "I'm in relationship", "it's magic" on the other end, "it's Over", "I Quit", "We Broke-up ", "I was married, but now divorced.." and so on. In the yesterdays, relationships used to break down too, but was more private and secretive.. Well, not anymore. In fact, there is more broken relationships in public, than ever in history.

Now, do i have authority to speak on this subject ? Well, i really don't know, but i had enough experience in my plate to go through starting from family (not in my marriage life. cuz i ain't), to friendship, to relationship.

In my experience since late 2011, Love has been a wonderful thing to me. And it blew my mind whenever i experienced it. I Believe in God and I believe that He is the source of everything, Especially LOVE. So the commonly used phrase "GOD IS LOVE" yet "LOVE is NOT GOD".

I believe the best way of identifying the lies is by knowing and by being convinced of what [who] is the truth. And when we talk about Absolutes like Truth, we need a Being who is Absolute in Himself, in Whom the truth is based, from Whom it flows, and by Whom it is defined and expressed.

I could never get a better definition of LOVE than from the Word of God, Himself (in person).

...Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails... [1 Corinthians 13:4-8]

Just pause here for a couple of minutes and think think about it. The more we think about it, the more we realize the depth of the statement. And what more, it says something about the heart from Whom these Words came from.

If my father draws a line and tells me to walk only on it by forcing me, i wouldn't call it Love, i would call it controlling, which makes me Frustrating and Angry and my response, Repulsive. BUT, if he draws the line and tell me, "my dear son, I love you, and I've drawn this line for you out of love. i recommend you walk in it for it's better for you and for your own safety[law]. yet still, even of you go out of the line and when you realize that you've taken the wrong path, just look to me and i'll bring you back to the line so that you can be back on the safe path again[GRACE], for i want you to be safe because i'm your Father". 

Even in a (marital) relationship, with a man and a woman, Love does not control, but frees. If there is control, then something is wrong. Control is a result of a lack of something within, may it be insecurity, lack of identity or even love itself. Of course there are more reasons. That's why i always question myself before i feel like getting into a relationship "Why do i want to be in a relationship in the first place?", "What is my intention?". Because in relationship, it's not about just me, it's about the other..

One evening as i was walking and talking with my close friend through the streets of Chennai, and the topic was relationship. And i said "i think i need to reason carefully before i get into a relationship. This is my learning from the past." and he said "Dude, that's what love is all about. You don't reason. You are just in it." to which i maintained silence. Reason ? Because he is "just in it". There is no point in reasoning further..

I'm sure this is the exact thought that is going through thousands of youngsters, of which i was one. I felt the same, compromising my convictions, values, and the truth that i knew is/was true, and giving way to feelings and emotions. One of the famous thinkers of our time Dr. Ravi Zacharias would agree with this " A mood can be a dangerous state of mind, because it can crush reason under the weight of feeling. "[ taken from Ravi’s book, “Jesus Among Other Gods”]  again he says "We are fashioned by God to be thinking and emotional creatures. The emotions should follow reason, and not the other way around." [ taken from Ravi’s book, “Beyond Opinion”]. I believe it is so true, and it had been true in my life, especially in the last 4 years.

I would personally believe that few main reasons for difficulties in relationships are "Entering into a Relationship on the weight of emotions and blissful romance",  "Lack of Commitment", "Lack of Communication/expression".

For a man, the beauty of the woman, captures and draws his attention, and he does whatever he could to "rescue the beauty". This is natural, and if this doesn't happen, he needs a doctor. But in this pursuit, he pushes the thoughts and values that goes against his feeling and desire, aside and make his entry to her life in marriage. As the days goes by he will start seeing her as she is and in reality. No one wears makeup before going to bed, except in movies and in advertisements. So will she starts seeing him more closely. Soon will they realize that they are not as easy to get along with as they thought. Both are different. And finally they breakup, involving lot of hurt, pain, and excessive pain leading to numbness to emotions. And then they end up reasoning "what went wrong in the first place ?" and to another extend "Where are you God? Why did You allow this ?". 

No wonder, thousands of youngsters like me goes through "Love failure" experiences. I've learned the lesson the hard way. Start thinking.. If there is someone whom you can step into a relationship without much reasoning, that is GOD, through the person of Jesus Christ. Yet, GOD encourages us to reason even in that relationship. God didn't create our mind for fun, but to use it.

To my dear friends who has already gone through such experiences or is going through the same, there is One and only One remedy available to mankind. Jesus Christ. He died so that we will live, our mistakes will be undone, our pains and hurts will be healed, our failures will turn into glory and for the Good.

I just thank God for where He has brought me to. I worship God at River of Destiny City Church, Chennai. This is a place for the broken, rejected, abused, used, failed, and the dead. Yet it's not about the Church, it's about WHOM we profess.

With Love
Yours
Ashrit

LOVE in RELATIONSHIP - responding to "Live in Relationship"

LOVE, such a crazy thing.

Something which runs most of us crazy, which makes us do weird things for someone else, something that kicks and wakes us up every morning for some of us, for some of us it's a hope for every morning, and many times too difficult to put in mere words, but to express. The very word "LOVE" in someway invokes something inside us, like LOVE is something which we missed somewhere in the past and now, what our heart is seeking and yearning for.

As i was thinking of writing about it in the morning, i was struggling so hard to get a start up line, or how to start it all, and well, here i am. I'm just writing this backed up with prayer in my spirit so that right words come in place in a flow, so that the message which i have in my heart is conveyed.

What I'm about to present here have a lot to do with my life experiences and the decisions that i took and the choices which i made, some of them right, and most of them wrong. I won't be sharing my life story here though, but some other time. However, i might pull up some experiences which i went through so that you could relate with what I'm sharing here.

Born and raised in a Christian home, living my childhood, but very interesting and painful at the same time, to realize that in most of the memories which i have of the past, i was alone, crying to sleep and without the experience of Love. Yet i don't deny that there were happy times in my growing up years, which i hardly remember to be specific. But somewhere, I missed love which my heart was seeking, even though i was surrounded by my family members, something that was unquenchable(so i thought). As early as in my 5th grade, i started searching for love outside the family, in girls. That longing and thirst for love and acceptance was so strong and intense that it just blew away the convictions n' values i was taught, and to which i used to hold on to for early years. This continued till recently, till 2011 to be specific. From the last five months of 2011, I've found myself accepted and loved which my heart was seeking for in one place, or rather, One Being.

I believe, there are many of us out there with similar experience or maybe sometimes with a deeper, and stronger thirst for Love. It's in fact the very reason, the world is how it is as of now. I believe that Black Eyed Peas agrees with me in their song, "Where is the Love "[few lines was eliminated]

....
People killing, people dying, Children hurtin', hear them crying, Can you practice what you preach, Or would you turn the other cheek, Father father father father, Send some guidance from above, 'Cause people got me, got me questioning, Where is the love
....I think the whole world's addicted to the drama, Only attracted to things that will bring you trauma
Is the world insane, If love and peace is so strong, Why the pieces of love don't belong,
Nations dropping bombs, Chemical gases filling lungs of little ones,
With ongoing suffering as the youth are young, So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone,
So I can ask myself really what is going wrong, The world that we're living in,
People keep on giving in, Making wrong decisions only visions of the dividend,
Not respecting each other, Denying thy brother. 
A war going on, but the reasons undercover, The truth is kept secret, It's swept under the rug
---------If you never know truth then you never know love--------
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us following the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids want to act like what they see in the cinemas

Whatever happened to the values of humanity, Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love, We spreading animosity, Lack of understanding, Leading us away from unity


I'm just wondering that the songwriter must have really thought about what he is writing. I would say, he/she is spot on. Where is our love ?!

It's so true that we, especially youngsters struggle with lack acceptance, affirmation, affection and identity. We struggle, we try to find first in our family, because parents struggle with the same things and in addition to that ,they are struggling and striving to live together due to lack of finance, problems in relationships or violence at home.

Then we look outside. From a guys view, we look for love, affection, acceptance and appreciation from "the girl", not knowing that "the girl " have needs of her own. She tries to make him feel special and appreciated, but till how long. In that way, both the guy and girl enters into a relationship with an expectation from each other, in other words a need to be met from each other. And we begin the relationship using each other for our needs which were unmet and unfulfilled. It's not a surprise that there more divorces and broken relationships around us than ever before. Because we enter into the relationship and then into a marriage with an expectation. But as the years go by, we begin to realize that the partner cannot satisfy or fill the empty space within, and we feel like there is no more live. I have one of my friends in Netherlands who had been married for over 20 years, but now divorced for the reason that he doesn't have the love for the woman anymore and she doesn't feel it. The find it had to move on together. Now, husband has moved on, the lady is left with her son. As the son grows, it's back to square one.

The other side in which  many of us move is into a very private life, self-pleasing, selfish life, using with sexual or pornographic content or even more dangerous acts, trying to find pleasure in order to try fill that missing love and absence of acceptance. Interestingly enough, it starts with pictures, then videos, then chats, then in real life, and it keeps growing into more destructive habits or acts, and finally even to the extend of rape and murder.

As i think about it, this chain of bondage and deep need of love is never broken unless Someone breaks in between who has the Unlimited Capacity to Love.

The following are my convictions and my understanding through experience.

There was a time in my life, last year, in the middle of the night bowing down on the floor and resting my head on the sofa praying "GOD, i don't have enough love to say that I LOVE YOU, I have squandered it all, on girls, on things, and on other things. I need You, Fill me."

From the following day things were different, and my perspective on looking at life was different. I started experiencing love from God in abundance. There was enough love in me to pour it out to others. And God revealed few truths about love and relationships.

The main reason i wanted to be in a relationship was because I wanted that love, affirmation and acceptance. God made His entrance right into the middle of the situation and He covered me with Love so much so that I don't have to "look for it" or "do anything for it", but just to be still and experience His love and affection.

Just imagine of a man who has the capacity to love and who is so filled with love from God that it just spills so naturally to others. He sees people as people and spreading a unique flavor and atmosphere around him. And he doesn't have to look to girls for satisfaction or acceptance, but he walks around satisfied and accepted as who he is by God and respecting and loving and caring the beautiful creation called "woman" as God cares for them too.

And imagine this girl who is so plugged into the love of God, that she just moves with grace, she talks with love and compassion, and takes herself with dignity with heads held high. Not have the need to be accepted because she knows she is accepted already by the Almighty GOD as who she is and she doesn't have to gossip to grab attention or to spread rumors or lies but words of Grace, Love, and Truth.

And think about this experience in which this man and woman enters into a relationship, in marriage. That house will be so much full of love that, it's explosions of love and peace and joy all around the neighborhood. He doesn't need any needs to be met but a lot of love and passion to share.. She as no needs to be met by him too. Both sprinkling love like a flood and into the relationship sharing their lives, souls and bodies in holiness and peace. This Love is never failing and the relationship, never ending...

If you are asking how is it possible to receive this love of GOD, there is only one answer that can ever be offered in this world. There stands the cross of Jesus Christ who is God Himself expressing His love for you by giving up His life for you so that you may life again in His name. He rose again on the third day proclaiming that HE IS ALIVE, very much ALIVE and through the name of Jesus Christ, there is unlimited access to God's love by which everything changes, and the world will never be the same.

With Lots of Love.
Yours